"Fear of death is the by-product of a life half-lived. Having lived life to the brim and overflowing, the person of power goes to death with no regrets and no fear." — James Arthur Ray

Guess that's why I'm not yet ready to go.



See you on Thursday?

I'm having a real hard time finding a news source I like, outside of the BBC and The Daily Show. I honestly feel sorry for Sarah Palin, as much as her politics are diametrically opposed to mine. The woman has been skewered by the media, and her own party is making a mockery of her qualifications by pointing out that living close to Russia qualifies you for foreign policy debates.

All this before we've even heard the woman speak. Personally, I want to hear her. I want to see or try to understand why John McCain chose her. I get the feeling that maybe she has something intangible -- something that we can't see on paper.

What all of this does confirm is that I know I would not want to run for any kind of office. My closet is so full of mistakes, missteps, and miscues that even my own kids would question my ability to lead. They're all in the past, before I came to really know and understand me. Before I stepped into my personal power.

I'll stick to being happy with my work at the nonprofit, teaching, and being a single dad who sometimes struggles with moral and ethical issues while trying to pay my bills. I kind of like the humanness of that.

Is it experience? Previous successes? Familiarity? Popularity?

I'd suggest that perhaps it's more than that. To me, the most important qualification for leadership is the ability to get others to work toward a common goal.

I've seen presidents of both companies and countries who were exceptional administrators. In almost every case their time at the helm was at best unmemorable. Often only memorable for standing still while everything progresses around them. Good administrators are extremely necessary, but not good leaders.

I've seen people with an axe to grind and people with a need for power. They make the worst leaders. I'll take a good administrator over a power monger any day. Administrators don't do much, but power mongers destroy things.

The good leaders I've seen have a vision. They have a way of getting people inspired to do more than anybody expects -- even the people being inspired.

That's who I'd like to vote for. I don't want to vote against anything anymore. I only want to vote for things. And when there is nothing to vote for, I will write in my own choice.

And hope that we get a chance to vote for something more often.

I haven't been to the Shaman's drum circle in a couple months. But I made sure I got there last night. It seemed to be the right time. As usual, I ran into the French Connection (what I lovingly call my French friends whom I know through my Reiki teacher).

When it came time to share, I said that I was living my dharma. This is something that struck me when I was sharing this video from Deepak Chopra with my class. I would do most of the work I do even if I won the lottery and never had to work again. I do it in service of the greater good (teaching and the nonprofit), and I do it with passion. I love it.

In short, I love my life right now.

This is quite a shift from earlier in the spring and summer, when I was having issues making ends meet. I still loved the work, I just couldn't get it to work for me. Now I have the ability to say that I will only work with good and nice people. And that's exactly how I would describe all of my accounts.

After the drumming, it was time to journey. A shamanic journey is typically something you see in your mind's eye. You travel to a different place, encounter different people, and ask for and receive messages. My favorite ways to journey are by foot or canoe. Tonight we traveled by canoe.

As soon as I got in, Coyote (my power animal) hopped in with me. Coyote has been with me since I can remember. This time, he turned and licked my face -- for the first time ever. My Sioux Grandfather (my spirit guide) and the Eagle Goddess joined us.

I was struggling, trying to direct the canoe, and really not going anywhere. That's when the Eagle Goddess laughed at me. She said, "You're in the flow of the Universe, trust it. We'll take you to some amazing places if you don't try to force it." Gabriel, the Angel, appeared, laughed, and showed me the Angel card, "Surrender and Release" -- the one I had drawn that morning.

So I let go. We went all over the place. I saw my son and daughter, visited with my dad, went to the mountains, valleys, and ocean. Then I came back to the rock where I first met Grandfather. He turned to me, put his hands on my shoulders and said, "Now you are here. Now you are the teacher."

We floated back slowly, and I got the overwhelming sense that the more I put my physical life in order (organize my apartment), the more the rest of my life will fall into place.

I'm still wrestling with some of the things I saw and learned along the way, but I know I have to get back to work.

Namaste

Yesterday, as I was pulling together my lesson plan for today's lecture on how people think, I noticed something that kind of bothered me. And I realized that, because it was human nature and the way we have been conditioned, I'm as guilty of it as anybody.

It was how we think about food.

For the most part, buying groceries is a low-involvement, thought-oriented activities. Choosing a place to go for dinner is high-involvement, feeling-oriented -- unless it's fast-food or dessert, then it's low-involvement, feeling-oriented.

High-involvement activities typically involve high-dollar purchases. Unfortunately, I realized that, for the most part, we spend more time thinking about what we wear and drive than what we use to fuel our bodies.

Thanks to Heidi, my personal trainer, I've been paying more attention to how I fuel my body. I've moved it up the high-involvement list. And I'm not just looking at what I eat, but what's inside it. So when I choose to eat something that probably isn't the best fuel for my body, at least I do it consciously. And I take the time to delight in it. Because I know it's fueling something else.

And that's part of being human. We get to enjoy both the serotonin of doing the right thing and the dopamine of doing something pleasurable.

Isn't it great?

Today I was incredibly frustrated that I, a Reiki Master, could not heal my own sprained knee. Then I realized, I can only do what's for the person's highest good. Maybe my sprained knee is how the universe is telling me to slow down and take it easy. Take my time. Put aside my ego and pride, and just accept.

Suddenly I was reminded of that scene from Evan Almighty, where Evan is talking to God and says, "But I have plans!"

And God just can't stop laughing.

The only difference between me and a zombie right now is that I'm aware of my state (and not interested in eating the flesh of people, since I'm a vegetarian).

I stood at a traffic light and waited until it turned red for me, before starting to cross. Then I realized it was red. I'm glad I didn't have that dyslexic moment while driving!

It's a full moon, I realize. And it's a Monday.

I found this article by Deepak Chopra, on Obama and Palin quite interesting. Thought I'd share it with you.

Obama and the Palin Effect

Saturday morning, I was resisting the urge to begin the day. Instead, I turned on some music and drifted in and out of sleep. In one of the dreams, I was in line for something when she jumped on my back.

"There you are!" she said as she kissed my cheek. "I've been looking for you everywhere!"

She wrapped her arms around my neck and squeezed with her elbows. I smiled in response. She leaned forward and looked me in the eyes. Her blue-green eyes sparkled in that way a woman's eyes do when she's in love. She twisted her head to swing her dark brown (almost black) hair out of her bright and freckled face. She smiled, leaned forward, and kissed me on the lips.

Of course, then I woke up.

The thing is, I've seen her before. But only in my dreams. I've known what she looks like for a long time. And, when I think back, just about every woman I've dated looks like her in some way -- even if it's just her eyes.

Personally, I think this is somebody I've made a soul commitment with, and we're just looking for each other. And that, to me, is what I believe is what a soulmate is.

Then again, I've also heard the term "twin souls" -- and I'm not sure what that is.

What do you think? Is this how your soulmate or twin soul tells you she/he is coming soon? I'd love to hear from people who've had some experience in this regard.

My son and I leave tomorrow evening for Eugene, Oregon. He's been looking forward to this since last October, when we went there for a campus tour. At least he was until today.

Now he's concerned. He's leaving behind a wonderful girlfriend who will probably follow him in a year. I understand. It's hard to leave behind someone you love. And it's doubly hard when you're making a huge leap at the same time.

You see, tomorrow he begins the hero's journey. I told him that he is now Luke Skywalker, and he has the choice to board the Millennium Falcon and become a Jedi knight, or stay behind and remain a subsistence farmer.

I'm proud to say that he's going to board the Millennium Falcon (or, in this case a rented Ford Escape). I'm looking forward to sharing the first leg of the journey with him.

And I'm looking forward to seeing the Jedi knight that he becomes.

For the past 19 years, I've been a dad. Often only as somebody's dad (the entire local pro lacrosse team seemed to know me as my daughter's dad for two seasons). I rather enjoyed the role -- I love my kids deeply, and I am proud to be their father.

And, while that will never change, the dominance of that role has now ended.

I left my son with his roommate, in their tiny dormroom, about 9:30 yesterday morning, jumped in the car and drove 600 miles home. Alone.

Along the way, I'm afraid that I killed 100 or so butterflies. The strange thing was, it actually began to bother me -- emotionally.

I figure that had something to do with me leaving my son just a few hours before, knowing that he was no longer a kid. And knowing that the next time I see him, he'll be a new man.

I went by the kids' house to drop off the stuff my son didn't want. My daughter let me in. It was the first time I've spent more than 30 seconds with her since her birthday a month ago. She made it very clear that she's much too busy to spend time with me.

Can't say that I blame her. What teenager actually wants to spend time with their parents? Well, my son did... from time to time.

So now I need to get used to being something other than their dad. The bulk of that job is now done.

I wonder what's next.

Albert Einstein once said, “A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.” Personally, I feel that falling isn't the big deal, it's getting back up that counts. We're going to fall, it's a big part of the learning experience. I teach my students that I'd rather see them fall while reaching for magnificence than succeed while reaching for good enough.

Michaelangelo said that the problem isn't that we set the bar too high and never reach it, it's that we set the bar too low and do.

Guess I'd rather push myself than settle. I'd rather get comfortable brushing myself off after falling wildly than be comfortable patting myself on the back for succeeding mildly.

Then again, I am your classic Sagittarian in a lot of ways.