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comfort
May 2009 
Standing at the crossroads
Posted on Apr 28th, 2009
by 
Mark Jordan
Mark Jordan
I'm at a point where this holding pattern just isn't working for me. I need to do something more. I'm not exactly sure what that entails, I just know it's more.
I've been here before. Many times. And I've started down a path, only to go back to the comfort of a holding pattern. Which never really provides much in the way of comfort. It's just lazy. It's easy. And it's damned uncomfortable right now.
Right now the work I do for money isn't fulfilling me. But it is succeeding in exhausting me and eating up my hours. Yes, it pays the bills, but only just. And not in a way to gives me the luxury to escape. To explore. To feel comfortable.
So I'm at a crossroads. And I'm not sure how much of a leap of faith I'm capable of at this time. It will all change in a few months, when both kids head off to college. But even then, I want to be able to support them. How much of a risk can I take? Can I step off into nothingness and truly trust?
I guess this is where I find out the true strength of my internal fortitude and my faith.
I've been here before. Many times. And I've started down a path, only to go back to the comfort of a holding pattern. Which never really provides much in the way of comfort. It's just lazy. It's easy. And it's damned uncomfortable right now.
Right now the work I do for money isn't fulfilling me. But it is succeeding in exhausting me and eating up my hours. Yes, it pays the bills, but only just. And not in a way to gives me the luxury to escape. To explore. To feel comfortable.
So I'm at a crossroads. And I'm not sure how much of a leap of faith I'm capable of at this time. It will all change in a few months, when both kids head off to college. But even then, I want to be able to support them. How much of a risk can I take? Can I step off into nothingness and truly trust?
I guess this is where I find out the true strength of my internal fortitude and my faith.
Access: Public
I think, dear Mark, that the only thing you have to lose is that sense of feeling stifled. I think that leap will feel like such a relief. I think you'll find the whole world is waiting to support you.
I know you're right, it's just mustering the courage for the leap. Is the water really that far away, deep enough, and warm? lol
Of course, the Deepak Chopra twitters this: ”Surrender reveals the impulses of spirit beneath the mask of ego.”
i have discovered recently that if we don't make our own conscious leaps into the unknown, the universe does it for us….with usually, more unsettled results. We are all at a crossroads, whether we are personally experiencing it yet or not. We are being forced to review our lives, our choices and make new ones. Our comfort zones are being stretched….often broken but if we survive (and most will), and stay aware during this time, I believe great things can emerge from the dark. we are being forced to look out of windows, into corners and through doorways that we never expected. We hold back out of fear, rightfully so, but regardless of that fear, we must move forward one way or another. you will make the right choices and your life may appear different at the end of this change, but it will feel like your life and you will fit into beautifully. keep the faith, Mark
It definitely sounds like you are being stretched, or expanded as I prefer to say, into a new way that you cannot yet see. It sounds like you need something in your life that feeds your heart, and it may not be your job. I can understand how uncomfortable your situation is, and perhaps if you make this big change now, you won't return to this watering hole again. Since you've been revolving a few times around the same stuff, a big shift could move you forward to a new playing field.
Blessings to you Mark as you connect with what is real and what is right for you right now. May you be strengthened to move forward and be calm in your heart knowing you're taken care of.
-Gloria
I love that! “can I step off into nothingness and truly trust?” that's what I want my life to be like all the time… it seems like it would be so wonderful feeling… so completely raw and free.